Letter: Last Days of the Sheep

Dear Friends,

I bought fried rice for dinner last night. It was just plain egg fried rice on this occasion, instead of my favourite variety: spicy pickled cabbage fried rice. That and beef noodles have become my two comfort foods, along with my regular breakfast of mung bean rice porridge and orange juice. Walking home, I saw that the moon was round and bright. I didn't need a calendar to tell me that it was the 15th day of the lunar month. The next new moon will spell the end of this year of the sheep, which is my "root of life" year (benmingnian) since I was born in a sheep year. Now, before the moon disappears entirely, it seems like an appropriate time to reflect on my 11 months in China.

I didn't have any clear expectations when I came here. I guess I had a few wistful dreams of "infultrating" chinese culture, perhaps being accepted into a chinese household, but of course nothing like that has happened. In a way, my immersion in the language and culture stops at the door of my apartment. Right now I'm sitting in front of a computer typing english. That's something I did a lot in Australia too! To really experience a foreign culture 24/7, one of those exchange programmes where you live with a host family would be ideal, I think. That's not to say I haven't learnt a great deal about chinese culture, though. Being a teacher gives me an insight into two very important social spheres: work and education.

As a job, teaching has good points and bad points. For me, actually giving the class is not so bad. I may not have the natural ability to liven up a lesson that some people seem to have, but I feel comfortable taking on the role of "classroom king" when the siren rings (that's something which my university in Australia didn't have—a siren), even though I behave more like one of their peers when I bump into a student on campus. Another positive thing about teaching is the students. The fact that I only see them once a week means that I don't know much about them as individuals, but overall I like my students, and I know that a lot of my students like me.

But the problem with this job is that I have to take it home with me. I usually do my lesson planning on the weekend, and it seems to be one of those tasks that expands to fill all the available time. There's always something I could be preparing or improving, and it weighs on my mind whenever I'm at home. In fact, I know that the college is satisfied with the job I am doing, but my own opinion is that there are still many ways that I could improve. Some foreign teachers find that teaching only 16 hours a week leaves them with a lot of free time, but this has not been my experience.

Perhaps I have been spoilt by my previous occupation as a computer programmer. Of course it was challenging, but in a way that I often found enjoyable. My new job offers different challenges, and they usually bring more stress and tiredness than enjoyment and satisfaction. Thankfully, this semester has not been as bad as last semester. But it's still more "challenge" than I'm prepared to put up with for much longer.

So you might wonder why I've signed on for another half year of this teaching gig. It's not because I think it will get any easier. It's just a matter of timing. I don't want another "fresh start" yet! I've only just begun to feel like I know the college, the students, and the town. I remember only a week ago, I rode my bike to the shops on some errand, and as I pedalled my fixed-gear bike with its convenient front basket down a familiar street, I suddenly had a feeling that I was actually a resident of this town and not just a visitor. Also, it's only half-way through the academic year. I want to teach a full two semesters to my current students, for my sake as much as theirs.

All the same, the coming semester will probably be my last 6 months teaching, although it might not be my last 6 months in China. But I don't have any definite idea of what I will do after that time, let alone any long term goals. Right now learning the language continues to be my greatest pleasure, but I doubt that my pitiful level of chinese alone will ever make me employable in China. So as for how I will make a living in the future, I can only hope that somehow my streak of good luck will continue. The luck that I'm talking about began when I was born in a developed, english-speaking country—that chance event gave me the opportunity to come to China.

Looking back on the year, my biggest regret is all that time which I spent idly in my apartment, like as not procrastinating about lesson planning, which I could have spent more productively by going out or by reading chinese books and websites. My biggest joy has been three friendships that have sustained me and shown me that culture is no barrier to that connection which two people sometimes feel. I submitted the final results for my classes yesterday, and my toils during the semester are quickly forgotten. My rating for the year of the sheep: five firecrackers!

Love Todd

P.S. I intend to travel north to the city of Ha'erbin for Chinese New Year, then on February 1st I will fly back to Perth and stay for about two weeks.

Hi Todd No matter what you decide to do in China, don't give up your writing! You write very well, with interesting insights on the culture around you and your reactions to it. Many travel or journal writers are terribly boring but I look forward to every new installment of the Kangaroo and the Dragon. Well done and keep it up!

Tanya [] 16.01.2004 , 13:42

Thanks Tanya. I hope you feel the same after I post the story of my recent trip to Dandong...I'm having difficulty making it sound interesting!

Todd 19.01.2004 , 13:47

"The luck that I'm talking about began when I was born in a developed, english-speaking country—that chance event gave me the opportunity to come to China. " God, watching my students struggle with the language that is supposed to be their "key to your future", looking at the too easily ignored signs of poverty around me, trying not to blow a fuse when the power and/or water fails, collecting my really generous pay every month, I feel this so incredibly keenly. If I feel anything in China, I feel so unbelievably lucky to have been raised with English in a developed English-speaking country. To have a degree from the University of Melbourne, culmination of 17 years of study in a western education system with progressive, emphathetic methodologies. With 6 hour rather than 15 hour school days. I look out the window at 8PM some nights at the seniors still in classes listening to their teachers drone on and on and on and on because they need to pass their National Entrance Exam and I shudder to think that I could just as easily have been one of them, instead of a well-off Australian. And what is the one thing I possess which they all want so badly? I speak English. I have never before felt my language to be such an asset and a symbol of success and prosperity as I have felt it to be in China. I feel so lucky to be Australian.

Daniel [] [homepage] 18.02.2004 , 23:22

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